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Brian Rapske Ph.D.

Marriages That Go The Distance

Two weekends ago, I had the privilege of officiating at the wedding of my nephew Russell and his wife Danielle. They’re a great couple! I shared with them that the secret of a fulfilling marriage that goes the distance depends upon the direction in which a couple leans.In marriages that grow, a husband and wife will lean toward one another for support and encouragement through good times and bad. In marriages that become progressively more distressed and unstable, couples will lean away and apart from one another. I base this little piece of wisdom on Ecclesiastes 4:7-12.Russell and Danielle The first two verses of this passage describe a man who leans away. He has no son and no brother. He has a 24/7 commitment to get ahead. It’s a small wonder that he’s asking himself, “For whom am I toiling…and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?” Obviously couples do need to work hard nowadays; but in a marriage that goes the distance, you have to work hard together and for one another. That’s leaning in.Ecclesiastes praises the merits of leaning in at verses 9 to 12. Two are better than one he says. Togetherness brings a better profit (“a good return”), greater resilience (“If one falls down, his friend can pick him up”), mutual comfort on the road of life (“if two lie down together, they will keep warm”), and a stronger defense against external threats (“one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves”). Ecclesiastes concludes his reflection with the observation that “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” So, what’s the third strand? Some say it is the arrival of children. That makes good sense as the arrival of children will typically add both joy and a greater family strength as they grow and take their place.

In marriages that grow—whether there are good times or bad—a husband and wife will lean toward one another for support and encouragement.

Others, however, are inclined to see that third strand as a reference to God himself. Even if one can’t clinch the argument from the text, the wisdom is compelling. God designed marriage in the first place and He both witnesses and seals a marriage’s creation (Matt. 19:6). If His presence adds wisdom, guidance, purpose and a host of other graces, giving marriages a peculiar strength that those without Him do not have, then why not welcome the golden strand into the weave? As life offers all that it will, remember; “Lean in toward your spouse and not away. And never forget the third golden strand!”

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